I Had a Hippopotamus
I had a hippopotamus; I kept him in a shed
And fed him upon vitamins and vegetable bread.
I made him my companion on many cheery walks,
And had his portrait done by a celebrity in chalks.
His charming eccentricities were known on every side.
The creature's popularity was wonderfully wide.
He frolicked with the Rector in a dozen friendly tussles,
Who could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles.
If he should be affected by depression or the dumps
By hippopotameasles or hippopotamumps
I never knew a particle of peace 'till it was plain
He was hippopotamasticating properly again.
I had a hippopotamus, I loved him as a friend
But beautiful relationships are bound to end.
Time takes, alas! our joys from us and robs us of our blisses.
My hippopotamus turned out to be a hippopotamissus.
My housekeeper regarded him with jaundice in her eye.
She did not want a colony of hippopotami.
She borrowed a machine gun from her soldier-nephew, Percy
And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy.
My house now lacks the glamour that the charming creature gave.
The garage where I kept him is as silent as a grave.
No longer he displays among the motor-tires and spanners
His hippopotamastery of hippopotamanners.
No longer now he gambols in the orchard in the Spring;
No longer do I lead him through the village on a string;
No longer in the mornings does the neighborhood rejoice
To his hippopotamusically-modulated voice.
I had a hippopotamus, but nothing upon the earth
Is constant in its happiness or lasting in its mirth.
No life that's joyful can be strong enough to smother
My sorrow for what might have been a hippopotamother.
Commentary
Many thanks to Prabhash Gokaran, who went through our hippo theme [Poem #844 onwards] and wanted to know why the funniest one of the lot was not included. Well, the simple answer is that at the time I had never read it before - and, with a little prodding from Prabhash, I’m delighted to finally add it to the collection.
Of course, one of the first things I was struck by was the similarity of the opening lines to “The Diplomatic Platypus” [Poem #1028] by the same poet, but apart from this and a similarity of metre, “Hippopotamus” is a different sort of silliness from “Platypus”. Indeed, it leans more towards the “children’s poem” end of the spectrum, with its plethora of hippopotamorped words and delightfully contrived rhymes, and the sheer delicious ruthlessness of
She borrowed a machine gun from her soldier-nephew, Percy And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy.
One thing that jarred slightly was the broken metre in the lines
Who could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles.
and
My hippopotamus turned out to be a hippopotamissus.
Could someone with a print copy confirm that these are indeed accurate?
— Martin
Links
The other poem this reminded me (tangentially) of was “I Had a Little Pony”: http://www.amherst.edu/~rjyanco/literature/mothergoose/rhymes/ihadalittlepony.html
We’ve run one other poem of Barrington’s, Poem #1028
And what is surely the motherlode of hippo poems on the net:
http://members.aol.com/HippoPage/hipppoem.htm
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From the Wondering Minstrels mailing list, 1999–2008.
William Grey · 3 January 2005
PS. Oh dear! I thought I had transcribed the Barrington poem with meticulous care. However I find that my “corrections” introduced further errors. Some of them are fairly minor mistakes, e.g. punctuation. But an error is an error, and should be corrected. So, with the benefit of a competent proof-reader, I submit the following lines to replace the ones sent earlier, as appropriate – one line from each of the last five stanzas of the poem:
But beautiful relationships are bound to have an end.
She did not want a colony of hippopotami;
My house now lacks the glamour that the charming creature gave,
No longer now he gambols in the orchard in the Spring;
My sorrow for that might-have-been-a-hippopotamother.
William Grey
Mark F. Bean · 23 July 2005
I first heard this poem in 1957, recited by a girl in my class in London. I thought she wrote it and was VERY impressed. From that single reading I remembered the first three lines and just looked them up on the web. I was surprised to find that in fact she did not write it, and even more surprised that I had the lines right after nearly 50 years (I was only 6 at the time).
Louis Mulvey · 2 September 2005
line 8 ……. replace ON with UPON. Then it scans.This is the version i learned as a kid.1964.
Louis Mulvey · 2 September 2005
line 8 .. replace ON ..with..UPON …. then it scans.
Stephen Campbell · 17 October 2005
We learned this poem at school 40 years ago! So who’s the author
Anil Siqueira · 20 April 2006
One thing that jarred slightly was the broken metre in the line Who could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles.
There is no broken metre. The phrasing is wrong. It’s supposed to go like this:
Who COULD not BUT reMARK upON his HIPpoPOtaMUScles.
And there are others.
If he should be affected by depression or the dumps By hippopotameasles or THE hippopotamumps
I never knew a particle of peace ‘till it was plain He was hippopotamasticating properly again.
I had a hippopotamus, I loved him as a friend But beautiful relationships are bound to HAVE AN end. Time takes, alas! our joys from us and robs us of our blisses. My HIPpopotamus turned OUT to be a HIPpopotaMISsus.
Anil L. Siqueira LilladherWorli Mumbai 400 018
John R. Yamamoto-Wilson · 15 June 2007
My father (Raymond Wilson), along with a colleague (James Gibson) anthologised this in the 1960s, in a four-part series called Rhyme and Rhythm. The books were followed by a set of LP recordings, in which this was so memorably sung to the tune of “There’ll always be an England” that to this day I remember it almost in its entirety. Among my other favourites from that collection was “Sir Smasham Uppe” ([broken link] http://www.sirensongweb.com/pages-2006/mother-daughter-poetry.html).
The version below is (I think) correct.
John
I Had a Hippopotamus
I had a hippopotamus; I kept him in a shed
And fed him upon vitamins and vegetable bread; I made him my companion on many cheery walks
And had his portrait done by a celebrity in chalks.
His charming eccentricities were known on every side, The creature’s popularity was wonderfully wide; He frolicked with the Rector in a dozen friendly tussles, Who could not but remark upon his hippopotamuscles.
If he should be afflicted by depression or the dumps, By hippopotameasles or the hippopotamumps,
I never knew a particle of peace till it was plain He was hippopotamasticating properly again.
I had a hippopotamus; I loved him as a friend; But beautiful relationships are bound to have an end. Time takes, alas! our joys from us and robs us of our blisses; My hippopotamus turned out a hippopotamissis.
My housekeeper regarded him with jaundice in her eye; She did not want a colony of hippopotami;
She borrowed a machine-gun from her soldier-nephew, Percy, And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy.
My house now lacks the glamour that the charming creature gave, The garage where I kept him is as silent as the grave; No longer he displays among the motor-tyres and spanners His hippopotomastery of hippopotamanners.
No longer now he gambols in the orchard in the Spring; No longer do I lead him through the village on a string; No longer in the mornings does the neighbourhood rejoice To his hippopotamusically-modulated voice.
I had a hippopotamus; but nothing upon earth
Is constant in its happiness or lasting in its mirth. No joy that life can give me can be strong enough to smother My sorrow for that might-have-been-a-hippopotamother.
Jos. Chiaravalloti · 11 September 2007
I learned this song from a recitation, but I remember the lines as
[Who could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles.] Who could not but remark upon his hippopotamuscles.
[My hippopotamus turned out to be a hippopotamissus.] My hippopotamus turned out a hippopotamissus.
Phone me sometime and I will sing you the tune, if you don’t know it.